Good morning my gorgeous sisters. I am a week and a day away from launching my new site (fingers crossed) and I could not be more ….. afraid. Oh those nasty self criticizing voices in my head have again kicked it up a notch to tell me that this, everything I am sharing, starting this business is well…ridiculous. That I am going to go out there exposed and raw and everyone is going to laugh at me. And well because I know when feelings like this come up – stop, feel them, question them and then create a new story. Here is an excerpt from my journal that I wrote late last week
August 24, 2011
” I can feel this whirlwind within my right now. The questions, the hesitations – they keep floating around the walls of my tummy like a red fiery ball of flames ‘can I actually do this?’, ‘will anyone actually take me seriously?’ ‘will they think I am a fraud?’ now I know this feeling, I know how to extinguish the ball of flames, I know the truth. but regardless as each new day approaches, I seem to feel more & more uneasy – the fear keeps screaming ‘don’t do it – do not be vulnerable – they are going to reject you’. There are a million reasons why I don’t think I can do this and just one reason why I believe I can. I just need to stay connected to that one reason because that reason is and always be ‘my truth’, not anyone elses truth, just mine, my gift. I have spent the last ‘too many years’ listening to the million reasons and ignoring the one, but no longer. I am acting anyways & this feeling many not get any better but that won’t slow me down ~ it won’t stop me from moving forward because this is my calling – to go out into this world to be a mentor, to be a teacher, to write, to speak – to be the change and to do it in a HUGE way”
So fear is rearing its ugly head yet again but regardless I know that pushing through that fear, doing what I am most vulnerable to do…. is where the magic lives. And I will never be able to conquer anything unless I can learn to live with that feeling – be comfortable with being uncomfortable, spread your wings and jump anyways.