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Turning off the chatter….

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Good morning my gorgeous sisters. I am a week and a day away from launching my new site (fingers crossed) and I could not be more ….. afraid. Oh those nasty self criticizing voices in my head have again kicked it up a notch to tell me that this, everything I am sharing, starting this business is well…ridiculous. That I am going to go out there exposed and raw and everyone is going to laugh at me. And well because I know when feelings like this come up – stop, feel them, question them and then create a new story. Here is an excerpt from my journal that I wrote late last week

August 24, 2011
” I can feel this whirlwind within my right now. The questions, the hesitations – they keep floating around the walls of my tummy like a red fiery ball of flames ‘can I actually do this?’, ‘will anyone actually take me seriously?’ ‘will they think I am a fraud?’ now I know this feeling, I know how to extinguish the ball of flames, I know the truth. but regardless as each new day approaches, I seem to feel more & more uneasy – the fear keeps screaming ‘don’t do it – do not be vulnerable – they are going to reject you’. There are a million reasons why I don’t think I can do this and just one reason why I believe I can. I just need to stay connected to that one reason because that reason is and always be ‘my truth’, not anyone elses truth, just mine, my gift. I have spent the last ‘too many years’ listening to the million reasons and ignoring the one, but no longer. I am acting anyways & this feeling many not get any better but that won’t slow me down ~ it won’t stop me from moving forward because this is my calling – to go out into this world to be a mentor, to be a teacher, to write, to speak – to be the change and to do it in a HUGE way” 

So fear is rearing its ugly head yet again but regardless I know that pushing through that fear, doing what I am most vulnerable to do…. is where the magic lives. And I will never be able to conquer anything unless I can learn to live with that feeling – be comfortable with being uncomfortable, spread your wings and jump anyways.

xo nicki

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You Raise Me Up

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Relationships are understandably one of the hardest things to maneuver through in life and I am not talking just about romantic relationships, every human interaction we have is the beginning of a relationship – sometimes brief but sometimes can last a lifetime. The beautiful thing about each of us is that we are hardwired with individual sets of circumstances, perceptions and experiences. We all see life through different lenses.

During my recent 40 Day Fear Cleanse, we spent a week focusing on the relationships in our lives and were asked the question “do the people in your life raise you up or do they bring you down?” That question really made me think about the relationships in my life – friendships, co-workers, acquaintances.

It is not a question of whether or not you like someone or have the same interests. It is not about what they have or what you have. It is not about the fact that they have known you for 2 weeks or 20 years. It is about how you make each other feel. It is about bringing the best out of each other. It is about raising each other up so you can both be the best in your relationship.

I have had many different types of relationships fall to the way side, parted ways or in the case of ex-boyfriends split with vengence and it used to hurt me on a very deep level because of my intense fear of rejection. But as I now remain grounded in my authenticity, I realize that a relationship should never be struggle, it should never feel uncomfortable, awkward or fearful – it should simply just be love.

be the change you wish to see in the world” Ghandi

xo nicki