I am starting to notice a reoccurring trend – whenever I get a moment of inspiration, get on a roll, or get overly excited about a new idea, only moments later, I seem to stop in my tracks and the inspiration fizzles. It is something that has been niggling at me for the past few months and I couldn’t seem to figure out why – that was until I couldn’t sleep last night and it hit me… I have a massive, paralyzing fear of failing.
I mean it is so obvious that I am sure most people looking in would see but for some reason I have kept it harboured in my subconscious until last night and it all seemed to come into complete focus with resounding clarity.
I have suffered from a fear of failing my whole entire life – propelled by the need to feel successful according to everyone else’s standards, comparing myself to my successful ‘friends’ (yep even the Facebook and twitter ones) and constantly feeling the fear that perhaps there is a chance that this business (that I) will FAIL.
Just saying it out loud scares me – I mean who fails in life? And then I take a moment, calm the panic inside and breath. Who doesn’t fail? Don’t get me wrong, I fail every day and always beat myself up about it- but overall I strive to succeed in a completely overachieving unhealthy way. I have built up a massive wall around myself because of this and it’s totally ridiculous now that it is so clear.
So now I am in the process of starting to put up windows where those walls existed and begin to surrender this fear, let it go completely and know that miracles large and small will now have a means in which to enter.